One of the most important goals I have in this life is to be a good mother and raise God centered, self controlled, independent, kind, loving, and family oriented children. I have had an extremely challenging week in that department and have felt angry, impatient, desperate, and overall just like a bad mom.. My sweet and fun child has turned into a whiny, defiant, and disobedient little boy (I've been referring to him as our 'punk kid' which my mother doesn't appreciate), and I'm at my wit's end! ugh.
Here's what happened this week....
While Steven was in the field this past Tues-Friday, we had a backslide with the big boy bed. The day Steven left, James flipped the switch and started getting out of bed 8-15 times after I put him down. He can open his bedroom door himself, so he just gets out of his room and comes looking for me. The first night I handled poorly, got angry and impatient. Tried spanking, threatening, yelling, giving him the "you better obey me NOW" eyes, and then even rocking, singing, and soothing....nothing worked. Finally, after 13 times up, he stayed in there and fell asleep. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning of the drama that week.
The next night I tried the "Super Nanny" tactic, which worked better. The 1st time he got up I calmly said, "James, it's bedtime. Goodnight, I love you," and without emotion, put him back to bed. 2nd time, "James, it's bedtime." 3rd and subsequent times, I said absolutely nothing and conveyed no emotion at all, just took him back to his bed. He got up a total of 5 times that night and then decided he was done. much improved!
I thought we were then on the right track. Night #3 I did the same Supernanny tactic, and it did not work so well. Up 10 times and then finally went to sleep. Not to mention that all of this drama happens at nap time too. I was seriously losing my mind and going to throw in the towel and put his crib back together. I knew Steven would be upset with James when he got home and saw him acting like this a bedtime.
On Friday evening Steven got home, we talked it through, and decided to give it one more night. Can you guess what happened? That punk kid went to bed and stayed in there without getting up once and has continued to do so all weekend. gggrrrrrr! Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad he's in bed, but if it takes Steven being home for James to go to bed then I'm in big trouble come November when he deploys! On top of all of this, he is really acting out when we are shopping, too. He will not sit in the cart without a major fight and meltdown. Talk about embarrassing and infuriating! All this drama started in the last week and it better end soon!
I need to get my act together and figure out what I'm doing that is enabling this bad behavior. A wise mother (mine) once told me that if you don't like the way your children are acting, then you better look at how you're handling it and change your own actions! Well, I think that's right on the money...I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! Anyone have any suggestions? I need help! Until then, prayer and patience are my game plan...
Curriculum Review 2019-20
3 years ago
11 comments:
Jenae...I think you have been blessed with a smart little boy who is learning how to test his boundaries. I have learned that raising boys is not as easy as it looks and that sometimes no matter how wonderful of a parent you are..doing everything the way you should...your child misbehaves, frustrates you, angers you, the list goes on. :) We can always improve as parents but dont sell yourself short. Every emotion you are experiencing is part of parenting....and you can always flip the lock on the door. Give him 1 warning then if he comes out again lock him in. Its worked for us during these stages. xo, Jody
Jenae - I hear ya girl! Being a Mom is TOUGH and your kids get the best of you some days. (ex. I have been standing in Lifeway BAWLING cleaning out the parenting section of books!) You love him and you are a GREAT Mom!! Just remember, its a stage (that I am in with you!)...enjoy the sweet moments and pray through the tough ones! As my mom used to tell me - no shame in backtracking! Put the crib back on if it saves your sanity! No awards either way. I tortured myself for over a year potty training Addison b/c I thought once I started I had to keep going. My mom all but told me I was crazy and just to wait it out until she was ready.
I wish i could say this stage is short...and maybe it will be for your little guy, but you WILL make it! When I have had a super rough day with my girls, I always go in their room at night and watch them sleep for a while. Helps me focus on what an important job I have and how sweet they can be.
Alright enough from me...but my heart just goes out to you b/c I am there so often! Praying for you!
Oh, Jenae! I can't provide any advice/suggestions for you, but I will say some prayers that this phase will be short and that you find the answers soon! Thinking of you!
Hey Jenae! I have the same little toddler boy as you and yes, it is VERY frustrating some days! Cohen is a little older than James, about 27 months now, so we have been dealing with this for a while. Like the other girls said, the emotions you are feeling are totally normal and you are an awesome mom! And thankfully our little boys are so forgiving when we get angry at them. I am just always so thankful that Cohen is curious and trying to "figure things out", while in the mean time driving me up the wall! I have found a few things that work with for Cohen if you ever want to chat sometime! Hope you are doing well and I will definitely send some prayers your way!
Hey you! Hang in there. I think we had this conversation when I was visiting you last month, but I think 18 months is about the time that I started getting extremely frustrated with Claire. They want to be so independent but can't communicate or verbalize what they want from you. SO FRUSTRATING! This phase will pass but you will have new challenges with each phase. Just know that you are an amazing mommy! James will one day appreciate everything you are.
Although I have not had the going to bed problem with Ava I do remember the 18 month stage being very frustrating. They can't communicate all the way and get frustrated and we get frustrated trying to figure out how to handle this new stage. It will get better! Once Ava could communicate it got alot better and now we are on to new challenges :) Hang in there and I will pray that this stage passes quickly for you!!
Thank you all for your encouragement and ideas. Since Steven has been home, bedtime has been much easier. Let's hope this is just a stage that we will be through before deployment!! We're still working and struggling everyday with obeying, but the hard work will pay off...eventually.
Thanks, friends!
Jenae - All cards are off the table during toddler years. Do what you know to do and stay consistent. Do not change your plan every time it doesn't work. Toddlers (or pre-toddlers in this case) are trying every boundary they can. Hang in there, sweet friend. You are an amazing mother, toddlers are just hard to hang with. :)
*test*
Jenae,
Even though Sofia is 3 and a half she's still acting up. And you're talking about frustration, anger and so on... come to my house! I think in my situation is her adjusting with the baby, with you I think it's the age and everything else Erin and Holly said- they still can't fully communicate. I was reading a book on children development/tips etc. It said the more you say the word 'no' the worst the situation gets. And your mom is so wright. I tried to be calm, not to yell or get frustrated with Sofie and I had better results- now my challenge is to keep it like that which is hard. You are a great mom!!!! Miss you lots!!!- so sorry I haven't been able to call!
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